I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
im on a boat
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