That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
