ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
