All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
