3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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