i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
