I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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