I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
