There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
