im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
