I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
