benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
