this boner is exhausting
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When are your genitals available?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
