the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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