I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
