Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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