Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
