ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pants are for mortals
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
