I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We're too hungover to prance.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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