well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
