I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
