I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Actions speak louder than pants.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize