I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
