I am full of burrito and curiosity
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
