Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
