Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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