i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
