If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
