I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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