He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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