Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
