I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
