how can u be prego again
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
