HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
