ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
