I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
