i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
