i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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