I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
