So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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