he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
