I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
