I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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