..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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