I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
