people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
