im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We smell like vodka and hangover
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