I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
