Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
