Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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