and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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