Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
