Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
