Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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