Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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