I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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