I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
