Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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