she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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