Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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