piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
