hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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