Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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