I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
