I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
