Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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