I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
