How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize