sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
