I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
