new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
His nipple licking is glorious
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